Via the NYTimes, I learned about two award-winning documentaries on PBS's POV series that are both available to watch online for a limited time. Apparently there's a third in the series, but I don't think it's available yet.
The first is called Wo Ai Ni (I Love You) Mommy and it centers on a Chinese girl adopted by an American family at, ostensibly, seven years of age, though her mom thinks she's a bit older. She has a club foot and dropped wrists, which, apparently, in China means she doesn't have a future - no chance at a career or a spouse. In the documentary we see her meeting her new mom for the first time (terrified!) and we meet the loving foster family that she was in since she was abandoned as a 2 or 3 year old. The documentary follows her journey for a year or two. The new parents (and mom in particular) don't come across particularly well, but the girl thrives, and it's fascinating to witness. It's available to watch online until November 30.
The second is called Off and Running, and the protagonist (and co-author!) is Avery: a 17-year old African-American adopted as a newborn and raised in a loving family with two Jewish moms, a slightly older brother, and a much younger brother. Both brothers are transracially adopted as well, and the siblings have a beautifully engaging rapport. The thrust of the film is that she wants to establish contact with her birth mother and birth family. She does, but it doesn't go quite according to plan. This smart, driven, expressive, mature young woman is thrown into a period of turmoil, and her parents feel helpless. She gets her legs under her again towards the end of the film, which is so great because you're rooting for her with everything you've got. It's available until December 7.
Both films provide an unflinching look at the emotional cost these children bear from being separated from their first caregivers. And, in doing that they don't diminish the beauty of families forming from previously unrelated people. They're great on that level. But even better is that they're both about race. Both sets of adoptive parents (white in this case) do a lot to honor their childrens' heritage, but when it comes to *race* they're at a loss to understand. One of the privileges of whiteness is not having to think about race, to assume that it's not really a big deal or that it's just a synonym for culture. In both films we briefly see therapists specializing in transracial adoption who really tell it like it is. It's so great to have this shown so clearly.
I'm still strongly drawn to adoption. I'm obviously thrilled to be pregnant (20 weeks today!) and look forward to welcoming a newborn in February, but I can absolutely see how adoptive parents fall head-over-heels in love with their children to the same overwhelming degree. Maybe it's because I've had adoption on the brain for years now, but the joy of pregnancy and the joy of impending parenthood are distinct features on my emotional landscape.
We watched about 1/3 or 1/2 of Wo ai ni Mommy- and it's getting mixed reviews across the adoption boards- most people love it, I was angry at the mom for how she treated the daughter. MOSTLY I was angry at her for not giving a damn enough to learn more than 1 or 2 words of Chinese, and pushing and pushing her daughter to "hurry up and learn english" so they could function as a family. That and the comment "Thank goodness we are back in the US, where everyone speaks ENGLISH!" or something to that extent. Made me want to go through the computer screen at her and knock her on the head. the only reason we didn't finish it is our internet is not fast enough & the buffering every 10 minutes was getting old. But I would like to see it in it's entirety. In the Mom's defense, she is very active in the yahoo groups & did say that while they had final say in whether it showed or not, they did not do the editing and she could see how some parts came across as harsh. Particularly the part where the girl dropped her books outside in the cold & said she couldn't carry them because it hurt her hands. Doesn't mean I think "more" of her, but I can recognize that we saw a biased film from the perspective of a filmmaker. I still think she and the family should have learned some chinese and not "celebrate" at the end of a year and a half when she is "now all american". that creeps me out.
ReplyDeleteThe other one sounds great, we'll have to check it out. I'm hoping both of these make an appearance in netflix...
Maybe you know this, Kelli, but there was something I didn't get. Earlier in the film we see Faith enrolled in a school that offers Chinese-language instruction. But then later in the film, she needs a translator to have a Skype conversation with her Guangzhou foster family. Did she stop going to the school? Or is it more likely that she kept up with Mandarin (in school) but then lost her fluency with Cantonese?
ReplyDeleteI didn't make it to the end (due to the slow internet speed & buffering), but I did also hear that she needed a translator at the end (of a year and a half) to talk with her foster family. My guess is that she either stopped going to the school or didn't attend it enough to keep her mandarin fluent. Can you imagine how that must have felt that after just a year and a half she could no longer communicate with this family who had raised her for years and whom she loved as her family? I really need to see the rest of it, although I just found myself getting angry at the Mom over and over again in the movie...
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