An interesting first-person article appeared on Babble.com written by a woman who tried to conceive after 40. It was interesting to me because she's not nearly as tied in knots as most of us bloggers are.
It made me think of other women I know IRL who aren't exactly neutral about parenting, but are easily able to shift to child-free living as a plan B. A couple of them would be happy to be parents if they found the right partner, but the lack of a partner (a sadness in itself) doesn't always translate into teeth-gnashing about parenthood. I also remember a good friend from grad school saying that she suddenly had this intense desire to have a baby when she turned 30, but within two years, she says with a shrug, it went away.
I can understand people who choose child-free living as a first choice, but as someone who has been in the grip of baby fever for close to 10 years now, it is still surprising to encounter people for whom child-free living is a really pretty good second choice. I guess those people don't blog.
And speaking of conceiving after 40, I just learned that a friend of a friend is in the 18th or so week of a pregnancy at the age of 44. They had been using some interventions (I don't know the details) but conceived in an unassisted cycle. It makes me so happy to hear stories like that.
I always wonder about that too-- and I also wonder why I was so strongly afflicted and tortured by the baby-making desire. I cried my eyes out at my FIRST failed cycle. I mean, whoa, that's pretty crazy...
ReplyDeleteI think it's different when you want children and CAN'T have them, rather than getting to make the decision yourself. And you're right, they don't blog about it!
ReplyDeleteI bet they do blog! I bet there's a whole community of people who have made that choice (or had it thrust upon them one way or another) and who feel immense pressure to be sad about it! Or not!
ReplyDeleteI loved that article, I almost posted about it. I was really happy for her that she found peace fairly quickly. I wish we all could find peace sooner.
ReplyDeletewow...that is interesting, I have heard people make that switch just like that too- the switch from "I want to be a parent, I want to be married", to "I'm not Married, I just wont' be a parent." and it always surprises me. I guess that at an early age I held those as two interwoven things, but as I got older, I realized they are completely (or can be) independent from each other. I WANTED someone to share my life with, and I WANTED to parent a child. I couldn't make one happen, but I could find a way to make the other happen!
ReplyDeletefortunately for me, the first one happened after the other one was in progress, but regardless of whether that had happened or not, I still would be parenting a child. (It's just extra wonderful that I have someone to share it with!)
I like stories like that. And I have a certain admiration for people who pick child free living. I have several friends who went directly there, just always knew they didn't want to have kids. I admire it but it's so far from my reality (and what I want personally).
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