Today is the start of the 25th week and it's all good. Frequent mild heartburn, but I'm learning how to prevent it. J finally got to feel the baby move last weekend, and it was a great moment. He's not the most effusive person in the world, but he positively glowed.
Against my better judgment, I have been sharing our name deliberations with people IRL. The only wrinkled nose I've gotten so far was from my dental hygienist, but that didn't bother me.
Last weekend, though, J and I were with his folks, and when his dad asked if we were thinking of names I just clammed up. J and I both said that, yes, we've been thinking, and then J, not knowing what I'd prefer, left it to me whether to say more. I just sat there. His dad adeptly changed the subject.
I was surprised at myself -- I'll tell my dental hygienist, but not them? -- but in retrospect it makes sense. J's dad and stepmother aren't mean, but they're socially maladroit. They're very verbal about their trivial judgments. For example, I've never met the stepmother's cousins (who she's really close to), but I know that they are both fat, because somehow that gets mentioned every time they come up in conversation. What's weird is that his folks don't seem to think poorly of the cousins, or fat people in general, but they still feel compelled to remark on it.
The stepmother is definitely a "piece of work" -- abrupt, insensitive, fussy, with a startlingly lack of self-awareness. She's the person thrusting her menu at the server while the server is still trying to write down her order. She narrates the minutia of her activities to us like a six-year old would -- with no thought of whether or not it's amusing or interesting to us. J's dad is much better. He's sort of like Pat Sajak. Not smiley or especially genuine, but friendly.
They bicker. They eagerly point out one another's errors, except that usually it's that one person mishears what the other said. They could both use some hearing aids. It's not hostile, but the whole interaction is drawn out, purposeless, and tiresomely frequent.
When his dad asked about names, the four of us were on our way home from a restaurant. With the incessant yakking and bickering, I had just kind of gone to my happy place. I was startled to suddenly have a question addressed to me, but I guess my instincts guided me well. They're the kind of people who should learn the name as a fait accompli.
I'm so glad MY parents are normal!
You know I wish that we had kept our name a secret from my MIL. I think you made a good choice!!
ReplyDeleteDefinitely a good call.
ReplyDeleteSometimes i want to share our name with people to get feedback, but then I realize that I only want positive feedback!! So there really isn't any point, right? It will be more fun to announce at the end.
It sounds like you made the right choice - they would have had some reaction to the name that you don't need to be swayed by!
ReplyDeleteErgh. I don't blame you in the least for keeping quiet. It's funny how some people don't have a filter in place. That tendency to just blurt things out has always annoyed me.
ReplyDelete(Glad, though, that you're able to maintain a happy place...invaluable in moments like those.)
Happy 25 weeks! Now you're super viable!
ReplyDeleteCorrect choice! I get the impression that you should never share your plans for names, as people are way too judgmental! I plan to make up a couple of terrifying names to share with people to see how well they can hide their horror.
25 weeks! Awesome.
ReplyDeleteI'd have a hard time telling people names, too. So much damn judgment.
Hanging with the in-laws sounds a little painful! I would definitely hold out on telling them the baby name as long as possible!
ReplyDelete25 weeks already? Time is flying by!
See? I had this conversation with my cousin when she was having her first child. The trick with these people is to make up a few really, really awful names and sell those as something you are seriously considering. You are trying to elicit that wrinkled nose, my friend. THEN, when the baby is born and you've given it a perfectly reasonable name, they will be so relieved, that they will love it, regardless.
ReplyDeleteBalthazar, Chicken Lips I, Willie Wonka, etc.
You can thank me later. (Also, that 6-year-old is exactly the same method that my MIL uses, down to the "are you listening to me" when you are clearly tuning out the drone of useless detail.)
My MIL is QUEEN of minutia. The incessant yammering has led to me swilling an entire bottle of something during each and every visit to her house (that we bring along)to dull the pain. I'm not sure what I'll do this Thanksgiving seeing as I'm not in the "drinking way."
ReplyDeleteI've known my inlaws for over 10 years and we are definately NOT close. Not because they are terrible people, but because we literally have nothing in common except for their son. I think Douglas was adopted! We kept our names secret too and I think it's a great idea. Everybody is going to have an opinion (good or bad) and in the end you won't really know what is right until you see the child for the first time and hold him/her in your arms. Then what is right will be right!
ReplyDelete