It's no secret that, statistically speaking, motherhood carries a career penalty. Lately, though I've been thinking about what that really means. On the one hand, I got tenure just before DJ was born, so that was one balancing act I didn't have to perform.
On the other, though, I'm just now at the point where, professionally, I could (should?) redirect or amplify my career. This would be a great time to pump up my research and apply for more researchy, less teachy jobs or, alternatively, get into administration. I really dig faculty development, for example.
Even without a new job, I have this post-tenure urge to "build something." I've mentioned here before that I'd love to build a program to recruit and support students who have aged out of the foster-care system (special advising and mentoring, care packages during exam week, birthday cakes, etc). I'd also love to develop a community focused research center on campus.
But personally this is a TERRIBLE time to go to a ton of meetings and spend my weekends writing grants, all on top of regular (and growing) teaching/research/service duties, but that's what I'd need to do to go in any of these directions. If we manage to have another baby, this young-kid period will stretch for a few years.
Long ago, I figured out that the theme of my thirties is paths not taken. During my 20s, working through my social science PhD program (and mostly loving it), I liked thinking about how I could quit what I was doing and, whatever, go to medical school instead! It's all open!
Not so in my thirties. I'm all sorts of happy with my choices, but it's still an adjustment to realize that things are not nearly as open as they were; big changes now have big costs. And as a first-time mom at 38 I see more things I won't be: a 40-something mom with teenagers or a 50-something empty-nester who thru-hikes the Appalachian Trail. And I probably won't get to be the entrepreneurial mid-career dynamo.
In short, I'm a cliche: the professional women of the new millennium who realizes that she can't actually have it all. The good news is that it isn't all that distressing. Cuz, I mean, look at this cute little career wrecker:
It's hard to imagine having a lot of regrets down the line.
I really liked your post. I was(am) a career person. I really worked hard to move up in my field and enjoyed what I did. Now, honestly I could care less. I'm a bit envious of you "wanting" to do more. Because quite frankly I don't. I actually call my work phone at night and leave messages (that I will get in the morning) telling me how much I like my job to try to moitivate myself. I am hoping my excitement will come back.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, DJ is so ridiculously cute!!!! LOVE the knuckle dimples. As for your post-- I totally agree with what you say about it no longer being possible to start those big things. Unfortunately, I also agree with N, in not really having the big career dreams anymore either (well, maybe it is fortunate, after all). What isn't fortunate for me is that I don't actually even HAVE a career yet. Oops. Well, it will be interesting to see what ends up happening for us. I've talked to other academic moms who say they got their mojo back around 1 year.
ReplyDeleteHe is beautiful, your bub. What a smile:)
ReplyDeleteIt's a tough thing. Some fields lend themselves more easily to that dual track, but I think it's never easy. Because doing one, whole-heartedly, means taking time out from the other. I think the fact that you have a "build something" instinct is a good one, and that you don't have to necessarily go the WHOLE hog. Small constructions, or plans for future construction, are also good at this stage.
I was thinking on my walk to work this morning (for my one day a week of professionalism) about the fact that when academic women have babies people assume they aren't giving their scholarship 100%, and about the terrible fact that in my case it's so true. (Of course, I wasn't before, but whatevs!) I think I am ready to admit I can't have it all, and like some of the other say, the career matters less to me now.
ReplyDeleteI love that you're feeling the prickling of the desire to do more. It's a wonderful feeling. But I can also see that there would be costs to following through on it... I like Adele's suggestion that you start exploring without making any major commitments now. Unless of course there's some amazing job this cycle that you feel you should apply for...
And while I've also been thinking about what it means to be so ancient and creaky as a new parent, I sometimes think about one of the people I admire most in my field. Her dissertation was done in 1976, the year I was born, but her lab has only been rocking out the super important papers for about ten years. It took a while to get established, even for one of the major figures of my world. Point is, I think we both have time. I HOPE we have time. I say relax for a moment, but take small steps to keep the spark alight before your sabbatical ends, because no doubt the return to routine will crush it.
OMG...I tune out of the bloggy world for a few months and DJ is practically a teenager! :) kidding. but seriously, he is getting so big and so amzingly cute! I promise not to be so absent again for so long! such amazing cuteness shouldn't be missed for so long!!!
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