An adjustment

Turns out DJ has a peanut allergy.

I put PB on his toast Monday morning (cuz, hey, he's almost one), and when he was almost done scarfing it down he rubbed his left eye. Instant hives that merged together, almost swelling his eye shut. I washed his hands and face and brought up the keypad on my phone ready to call 911 in case he started having trouble breathing. I forgot that swelling lips is something to look for too. But he was babbling and playful.

It was 20 minutes before his doctor's office opened, so I put him on the floor to play, watching his face every second. In about a minute he suddenly turned to me fussing, so I scooped him up. A look of alarm came on his face, so I reached for my phone, but then he vomited A WHOLE LOT. As soon as we was done he went right back to vigorous babbling (and trying to play with the mess). I changed and rinsed him, and he seemed fine, not even rubbing at his hives.

The doctor saw him an hour later. By then he had more hives on his body and his ears were bright red, but the hives on his face had faded and he didn't have any swelling in his mouth or throat. The pedi said he would likely get more blossoms of hives and a bout of diarrhea over the next few days, but he hasn't had either.

He's taking prednisone for a few days to tamp down the immune sensitization (which has wrecked his night-time sleep, blurgh), and he now has an epi-pen at home and daycare. He could still experience anaphylaxis with a future exposure. He has about a 20% chance of outgrowing it by school age.

I was so, so sad for a couple days. My big, sturdy boy now seems so terribly vulnerable! I set up the Pack-n-Play in the living room and had him nap there so I could look at him. Monday it was all I could do to keep it together until he went to bed. I just wanted to cry and cry and cry.

J has been REALLY sick (not the flu, but an awful lot like it), so I've been doing the lion's share of baby care and everything else; sleep deprivation hasn't helped my emotional resilience.

Now, a couple days later, I've adjusted. His daycare is already peanut and tree-nut free, and working out the whole emergency plan with them left me very reassured. Lots of people have allergies and/or asthma. He's not a bubble boy. He's not any more likely to be allergic to other stuff; he already eats wheat, milk, eggs, and soy regularly. And I think this product, which my local supermarket carries, will fill the culinary void.

It's just a terrible reminder that I can't protect him from every threat. Not even now.